Holding onto, or defending against certain emotions or memories, in my experience only leads to problems. I am most grateful for when the inner tide of an emotion, or a memory, or an imprint arises to my consciousness not unlike a wave that crests and peaks only to break and release or dissipate its energy in a crash or outflow. I believe these energies live inside our cells (e motion = energy in motion), the experiences or charges of what not only we suffered but, just possibly, our ancestors too.
Now when a wave arises it, I try to welcome it with the breath and flow it through, when an ancestor comes to me in a thought vibration with some information, I listen deeply to it, same with my inner child when she is distressed through my body, I turn to her and tell her she is safe now and she can tell me what is going on.
As far as the ancestors I feel they just want acknowledgement for what they lived that was never understood. I sometimes wonder if its ‘just my imagination’ making it up, but then I see all the resonances. I just realised last night again that I met my ex husband from the UK on the same date my great great grandmother Eliza Solomon was born back in 1850, the 6th June. Through the meeting which was prefigured by an inner voice telling me to go to a certain place we met, got married and I eventually travelled back to the UK to live and found out about how it was the place of my ancestors, a few years later. Just coincidence? I don’t think so.
We separated in August 2004 which was the month that Thomas my great great grandfather and Eliza married. I noticed today, too, that the Sun on that day was at 17 degrees Leo just one degree away from both mine and my mother’s North Node in Leo, we had those in the exact same placement (which represents soul destiny and is related to eclipse seasons) and so does my brother’s wife, the very wife who grew to dislike my Mum so bitterly she refused to want contact with her. Funny all of these synchronicities. Diana’s mother died when I think she was about 12.
A lot has been coming up over the past week. I see how I ended up in such complete isolation and withdrew from the family too. It seemed for very good reasons as they seemed to live on another plane or energy frequency. Over time all the information about my ancestors came to me as I viewed the astrological cycles and ties ups and saw the impact too of multi-generational grief, loss and trauma.
I was sharing with an Al Anon friend yesterday who says she and her husband, now sober are trying to support a relative the rest of the family are shunning because he drinks due to no other outlet for his feelings. I am so grateful for the gift of sobriety that made me see what is hidden under alcoholic or addictive behaviour, as one psychotherapist as said. ‘addiction is a result of attachment disorder”. True, if we cannot attach to others through positive bonds, or if such bonds or flows get cut off it impacts subsequent generations. I am not in favour of shutting anyone out of my life any more, I have to ask why, if their behaviour is very difficult then I take distance, but I always try to keep my heart open to what is going on for them. I have seen people cut out in my own family and know why it was done too. Some schisms have never healed. Maybe that’s just how it is. Some people cut off. I find that hard.
Anyway I am finding it easier to ride the waves of my feelings and intuitions lately. I welcome this. I was prompted to write this post after reading the following in my book Calming The Emotional Storm, by Sheri Van Dijk, MSW a very helpful, caring guide for navigating painful feelings using DBT and mindfulness.
Trying to hold onto pleasant emotions is a sure way of making them disappear, being mindful to your emotions means accepting them as they are, not trying to get rid of the painful ones, or cling to the pleasant ones.
Emerging From The Dark Night 