Unexpressed sadness may lead to other difficult feelings that cover it over. An early loss may have held us captive in a death trap, where the fear of further loss is not even actually felt at a conscious level, only defended against. This is something that I am seeing lately. Also recognising the truth that difficult, or challenging things happening is simply part of life, not necessarily some kind of evil design with certain situations or person to blame or at fault helps us engage in shift of perspective. Sometimes shit just happens so we can use that compost to grow flowers.
That said very real things do affect us, taking care of ourselves means we come to recognise the things that help us, embrace acceptance, live well, healthy and free well as the things that harm us or bring ourselves and others down. Engaging in self harm as a defence against feeling our emotions or taking necessary risks to grow is in the final analysis unhelpful and probably why addictions exist in the first place. Opening to the flow of love and health involves removing barriers that stand in the way of love, growth and connection, only we can recognise this through becoming fully embodied and engaged and noticing when we are in and out of balance as well as what has contributed towards this. We make tens of choices on one day that affect us both for good and ill, so it pays to be mindful and grounded and as present as we can be to both the consequences as well as the miracles.
Emerging From The Dark Night 