It is what it is!

How much easier would life be if we could accept that things are as they are? How much easier if we could decide to let go of the things that hurt and embrace the things that heal, and here I am talking of unnecessary hurt, not some kind of pain or struggle that might be a necessary price we pay in order to get to somewhere better. In AA we have a saying that we ‘accept life on life’s terms’, this does not mean we don’t work to change some things but only the ones we can, as opposed to struggling to change the ones it is not in our power to, like other people.

Knowing what is and is not in our control is necessary but not always easyto define. I read an interesting piece of writing in one of the Al Anon books on loss and grief that said often grief makes us struggle to control the uncontrollable. Sometimes when we struggle to control we do it in order to try to avoid more painful underlying feelings we find it difficult to encompass or express. Our attempts to control cause us and other people more pain and we find it hard then to drop them. Acceptance does not mean we necessarily like something just that we acknowledge our very real human limits and boundaries.

I have got myself into trouble too many times trying to control the uncontrollable, or running off from my grief or pain instead of turning to face them squarely and take them on the chin, at such times I was not conscious that was what I was doing, it was only made clear to me much further down the track. Because I am human I will have blind spots, I will make mistakes, I will judge things wrongly sometimes which is why I value another AA slogan ‘Keep An Open Mind.’ Humility is recognising I do not always have the answers and it being prepared to try even if it means I might fail, recognising that will lead onto learning. This involves a trust in the goodness of life that may be lacking if I have had a lot of trauma or unpredictable outcomes in my life. Some people possibly struggle more with anxiety for this reason.

I had an anxious hour before thinking about things too much and running around trying to make my place more manageable. It has calmed down now which makes me realise that often my perspective can shift in one day. Getting myself back into a calm and peaceful place helps and recognising the fundamental impermanence of emotions too. These are just some further reflections that occur to me as I find my peace in the afternoon and feel gratitude for these healing moment of perspective and calm.