Do we realise how much others needs our acceptance and understanding as they embrace difficult challenges? I am prompted to write this after watching a drama series in which a young man grapples with his homosexuality during the 1950s. The father just found out and came to visit his son and attacked him which precipitated a complete breakdown. The saddest thing in the series is that he is consulting a psychiatrist in order to be ‘cured’ of homosexuality and it is so painful to watch his battle, it truly made me cry. No one much wants to accept him as he is and the show makes me realise how impossible it is to battle one’s own true nature in matters such as this. The character has now retreated completely into him self. He is married and has the support and love of his wife but he is still trying to please her and his entire family.
When we have to turn against our true nature to win love its a terrible thing. Alice Miller makes the point in her book The Drama Of The Gifted Child that like a plant seeking the warmth of sunlight, the child of narcissistic parents (those who will not love unconditionally) will bend and twist itself out of shape to earn love. And if the cost of being oneself is complete isolation or exile where does one go? And how strong can someone be to sustain themselves completely without the love of others?
There are no easy answers. Such dilemmas have to work out in their own way according to the person’s natural temperament and the degree of support and acceptance they find if they do turn away. Some souls have more power to sustain themselves in the wilderness they must retreat to which is also a kind of birthing place. God knows psychological exile is hard but maybe not as high a price to pay as the loss of the true self in trying to hold onto love or approval in relationships where we are erased. The central challenge becomes to find a centre of love within the self that can sustain us as we endure the wilderness and go on the journey to find others of like mind, who in enduring similar experiences may provide a light for us.
Emerging From The Dark Night 