For Simon

In my mind

I imagine you will appear

One day

Walking towards me

Saying here I am

And do you remember when

All those years ago?

How we met by chance

When both our lives were hanging by a thread

And how our two souls became

Interwoven

While lack of trust

Ate away at the root of it

And you allowed no place for confusion

While your unspoken ambivalence

Slowly tore my heart apart?

When our threads unravelled

As they do

It was I who became untethered

While you latched onto hope

From a stranger’s smile

Sending me home on the boat from Helsinki

Swallowing blood

All the silent cries of loss

Of years before

Strangled in my throat

And my suffering went mute

They tried to warn me

Before it all went down

But I could not see the truth

My heart and eyes were blind to you

And so I fell through space

And at the time

There was nothing there to catch me

Now I wonder

All of these years later

Now I have grown stronger

What you would say

About those days

If we were to meet again

Would you take me by the hand and tell me

I was wrong

And its why I came looking for you

And was broken hearted

To find you gone

After realising in my heart

It was you I wanted

All along