I keep thinking of the abandonment trauma that my recent scammer experience re-energised within me today and how that original wound to the desire to be loved can continue to drive me from within until certain experiences come into my life to highlight it. I was just reading some meditations from Tian Dayton’s book The Soul’s Companion and came across this reading which seemed really on point today.
I will release myself from the compulsion to repeat destructive and painful patterns, by being willing to acknowledge the wounds that lie beneath them. In my attempts to keep these wounds from being known, I keep myself away from important parts of myself. Then I seek out situations that will allow my wounds to surface and be felt. My unconscious knows what it is carrying within it and wants it to come to the surface so that it can heal. While I hold it in darkness, I keep an emotional infection from getting the light and air it needs to heal. I will not glorify living mindlessly and without pain. I will use my pain to cleanse myself.
I am willing to acknowledge my wounds
I am ill because of wounds to the soul, to the deep emotional self, and the wounds to the soul take a long, long time, only time can help and patience, and a certain difficult repentance, long difficult repentance, realisation of life’s mistakes and the freeing of one’s self from the endless repetition of the mistake humanity has chosen to sanctify.
D H Lawrence
Emerging From The Dark Night 