I cannot control other’s opinions

I asked for a reading today to help with the strong feelings I am dealing with after having judgement slammed on me by someone. The reading that came up had to do with sitting with my own insides and tolerating the feelings there. That said how do I deal with the anger I feel or fear and sadness when I feel I have been judged and have just been told I will be totally cut out of someone’s life? For me being cut out triggered deep panic and fear. I realised this today. Then its hard to sit with those feelings inside of me. Another reading said that if I want to become a channel for my higher self to come through and live a life of relative serenity and peace then I need to allow myself to be cleansed of painful feelings like resentment and anger and even sadness. I came upon that idea from my own guidance the other day when I was in a lot of pain and had self punishing thoughts running all around in my head. I asked for help to let the feelings wash through rather than hold onto and run them over and over again. I used to do that and who know if it wasn’t that that caused change in my breast tissue that led to cancer? Its a constant fear.

The truth is when I got those messages using such strong language from my nephew and accusing me of being vain and self seeking I was hurt and felt fear and sadness. It was hard to sit with those feelings so I called a few people almost to get help to deal with them. I know that I have defects of character. I know that I long to be connected to a special loving someone and the thing that also hurt today was that in all the time after my mother died this nephew never once contacted me but now it seemed that money was involved he was out jumping on me and telling me what disgrace I am and how upset my mother would be.

Anyway I just remembered to take a deep breath. In the end I cannot control what my nephew thinks of me. He will make of this what he will and I am powerless over what that is. I did the forgiveness and self forgiveness practice before while lying down crying. I know I didn’t do anything wrong trying to help someone who told me they needed help but if they lied then that is on them, not me. I shouldn’t have to be used as a toxic waste dump for other people’s pain. At the same time in future I should have just stayed on my own side of the fence and taken responsibility for my life. I am willing to own these latest mistakes.