“At such moments I don’t think about all the misery, but about the beauty that still remains. This is where Mother and I differ greatly. Her advice in the face of melancholy is: ‘Think about all the suffering in the world and be thankful you’re not part of it.”
My advice is: ‘Go outside, to the country, enjoy the sun and all nature has to offer. Try to recapture the happiness within yourself and God; think of all the beauty in yourself and in everything around you and be happy.’
I don’t think Mother’s advice can be right, because what are you supposed to do if you become part of the suffering? You’d be completely lost. On the contrary, beauty remains in the nature, sun, freedom and yourself. If you just look for it, you discover yourself and God, you will stand out.”
Anne Frank
Someone just left a very important comment on a post I shared on the Dark Night of the Soul, they said they were not sure if it always led to new beginnings and I really got where the person was coming from. Sometime the DNOS drops us into a very dark place that is Plutonian in that a lot is stripped away from us that gave our life meaning and we do live with painful realities that will not necessary change just due to a new perspective. Some of us have very dark nights as we struggle with early loss through death, horrific injury, abuse or addiction. Sexual abuse, for example is a very dark night of the soul that may make us encounter murderous feelings of shame and pain and rage.
That said I think for some of us the DNOS makes us more philosophical as its strips away illusions and happiness as well as very important connections that gave us much but that all depends upon the kind of meaning we can make from these events. There are some wounds that don’t ever perhaps fully ‘heal’ some of them will continue to hurt for the rest of our lives and a modern idea that we should just be able to ‘get over’ things or achieve so called ‘closure’ is not always realistic. I remember a person who lost a loved one in ground zero sharing that for him the idea of closure was laughable and impossible.
The dark night brings us face to face with the psychic force of what the Hindu sages called Kali, this is the force of destruction which strips life away and dictates that forms will die or end at a schedule and on a timing that is completely outside of our ability to control it. That is why I think the earth and universe and nature will always have more power than any technology or mechanism that human beings will create. I appreciate more traditional cultures who reverence these natural forces and pay homage to them. There is a state of active surrender which is demanded by coming face to face with this force and if we battle with it we tend to come unstuck. There is a powerful myth which shows that when the God Heracles had to battle the nine headed Hydra the more he tried to cut of its heads the more quickly the heads grew back, it was only when Heracles dropped to his knees and let go of his sword that a jewel began to emerge from each severed head.
Today I was having a bit of chuckle when I got annoyed with Jasper for eating a portion of chocolate I made the mistake of leaving around late last night, he had torn the wrapper and had one of those guilty dog expressions on his face with a kind of wry look, I roused on him a little before just thinking that even this incident was a source of delight to me, I am so blessed to have a dog that gives me so much and reminds me of how it was to be young and in trouble all the time!
Not quite sure how this corresponds to a state of surrender and the force of Kali and the dark night except to say that I think the capacity to develop a sense of humour and letting go is a profound end result of many dark nights. Its something Thomas Moore shares a lot about in his book on the DNOS.
I was thinking a lot about our personal ego agendas over the past few days. And particularly the expression “you know how to make God smile? Tell him your plans!” We can hope for things, we can dream of things, we can put all our best efforts into achieving certain things but in the end life will have its own way. So many of us endure things we think we should not have to, we may get to 40 or 50 and see only a shit load of mistakes stretching back over the years of our life, but the truth is that all of this is the state of our life and it surely has some meaning and purpose. In the end we get what we get and some things are within our power to change and control but so many are not. That is when is important to reach for both gratitude and grace as well as surrender and acceptance.
People often think that acceptance or forgiveness will make them feel more powerless or make a statement hurts others perpetrated were somehow ‘okay’. I do not think that is the deeper purpose of acceptance or forgiveness, but I do believe both of these things help us to live with a deeper sense of gratitude and grace They help us to recognise that life is often far from ideal, people often will hurt us and many times things we long for or desire never come to pass or just fade away or are taken from us. Active surrender allows us not only to let go more easily but it can free up our energy to look outwards for new opportunities or just appreciate those things of beauty that surround us like an exquisite sunrise, a beautiful piece of music, or the touch of a loved one’s hand.
In many a dark night we get stuck, its just part of what the dark night is. We can feel weighted down under the heaviest of blankets of sadness, powerlessness, gloom or doom and we may have no control at that time over the return of the sun, but we can also take care of ourselves in the midst of this dark place for the dark night bears testament to the fact that we do have a soul that suffers and tending this soul becomes essential work during the dark night. I know for me the capacity to make meaning of my suffering, to write poetry and engage in good therapy has made the world of difference, but what has helped me most is in learning over time how better to surrender to my losses and find deep within the pile of stones that life so often presents me with the rare jewel or diamond that is often only seen once the light begins to illuminate my pathway. Oh and tears, tears have really helped me in my dark night. When my tears are there I know my soul is never far away and some very very important meaning or realisation is being revealed to me.
Emerging From The Dark Night 