Longed for this

I longed for this

The warmth of your embrace

But not the feeling of this

A brace around my heart

When my body began to express

In its own way

The pain of tearings I had lived

And how the promise of new love

Awoke again the pain

At the beginning you said to me

I will hold you

And always catch you when you fall

But over time

It became impossible for you to contain

What you had to run so very far away from

Deep inside yourself

And yet even when it ended

I blamed myself

Just as you blamed me

For not being enough

For being myself

For being sad

And I took the blame

Until lately

You know what

I was just being me

Longing to be loved

Longing to be set free

But your conditions of love

Well they put a brace around my heart

And even though it hurt

Made it impossible for so long

To find a new start

A way to understand

What you gave me was not really

Could never be

Unconditional love

Now I know the truth

It was not love

It was not love