Struggle

At times I find this world such a barren and loveless place

I struggle hard to hold on to

A true sense of my soul

And to attain the oh so hard won

Sense of permission

To live as my true self

When you turn eyes of contempt onto me

And say in the midst of my shattering grief

Oh you are a teary one

But I do love you

How does it make me feel?

I was always the mistake

The one who had to twist myself into a pretzel

And assume another shape

Just to belong in your eyes

But if it is fury I feel now

That burns my heart

And cuts my illusions down to size

Maybe its all good

And I just wish this fire

Would rage on through

Because you see there are even deeper truths

I never was allowed to know

I must find the way to

Through this fire

Because mists of confusion

Dampened my soul so utterly

And I no longer wish to struggle so hard

Not to be erased

Or disappear