Belief in a higher power

Some may argue that the human mind just created the idea of a higher power or God to give us a sense of meaning and make sense of certain things. Who however amongst us can claim perfect ownership of ‘truth’? (Although many try.. aren’t wars fought over this fact??) There are certain truths that resonate for us deep in our soul however and seem to be borne out by experience.

Some see the workings of a higher power in moments of synchronicity or happenstance. Those moments you run into just the right person at the right time after a period of being blocked from travelling in a different direction, or when you really needed help or were lonely or in need. It has happened to me far too many times to doubt it and I had just a moment earlier at the shops when I ran into a lovely friend I made at an AA meeting a few months back. I ended up having a painful experience at the meeting the following week which made it hard to return. I realise it was my stuff that came up but I found some members just a bit shut down and closed off in that meeting and I left in tears.

I know that I am sensitive, maybe the higher power is just love. That meeting is called an agnostics meeting as the ones who started it don’t believe in God or a higher power as such. However, they do believe in love, or so my friend told me after the older sober member took his leave from us after we serendipitously met up for lunch as I saw my friend from the meeting ‘by chance’ in the centre a little while ago. I was looking for a place to have lunch and so by a stroke of luck what could have been a lonely day resulted in an impromptu meet up. My friend was so warm and loving and shared how she is lonely at the moment, she has similar struggles with her family. I really felt such an open bond between us even though its only the second time we met. in a way I feel I have known her for ages and I have mostly had that feeling and deeper sense of connection with friends in sobriety, a very special kind of relationship as we both know what it is to struggle with self nurture and look to substances as well as be working to turn our ego minds over the healing force of love within and without.

For me I feel my higher power most in nature. I shared earlier in the week of my divine encounter with two swans by the lake. I feel close to my higher power when I cuddle Jasper in silence and feel that flow of love warmth. I feel comforted to be able to shed tears over my sister with people who understand and when I talk of grief over my Mum and other sister now dead who look me deep in the eyes with recognition and do not shut me down or fob me off. I got both of those ‘gifts’ of love today from my fellowship friends.

I also sense when I move away from the connection. The mind may trick me at time with negative beliefs and I was thinking a moment ago maybe this is the way the ‘devil’ tries to attain a foothold in our lives or get his hooks into us. Could the ‘devil’ just be that negative voice of fear that fills our head with mistrust or other garbage, trying to convince us we are separate, that no one could truly understand us or love us or accept us JUST THE WAY WE ARE? I don’t know why the devil is a he but somehow that feels just feels right (sorry to all the guys out there but its not about that just that. Maybe it is that for me it is an animus force I experience as ‘opposite’ as a woman, my inner critic is a tall thin hooked nose character I often call Mr A.)

I was listening to a radio programme today on the power of feminine religions such as wicca and those who use divination methods such as astrology or tarot and in the programme they were saying there methods represent a form of soul psychology that works through intuitive connection to the soul of others and to the deeper psyche. Such practices have been outlawed in the past and their practitioners labelled as evil or witches, maybe they claimed a power that the church or state would like to propriate as its own solely but the Gnostics believed the path to truth lay within the soul of the person not so much in outer forces.

Anyway I like to think that there is a force of love in the world that truly wants the best for us, that will step in to help when we need it, but we also need to be able to be open enough to ask and open our hearts to life in trust. Benevolence it seems is there but mistrust may often stand in the way of us experiencing a true relationship with a higher power that may be no more complex or complicated than an open flow of energy and love moving forwards and backwards between humans being and animals and nature as we negotiate various encounters, triggers and associated emotions. Maybe the truth is that we bath in the energy of higher power every day and only experience blocks to its flow by our damned up thoughts? Its something I am sure others have realised long ago and I am just very slow on the uptake. It was really wonderful today to have though that ‘chance’ meeting that bolstered my own belief in my higher power.