Lonely

Lonely when you leave me

I feel the ache of ages

Carried so deeply in my bone marrow

And then it is I want to do anything

To stop the pain

I lash out

Which serves no useful purpose

For in the end it just leaves me

Feeling lonelier

Far better to let myself acknowledge

The little one in me who was left

Alone so many times

With no one to hold her

The one who had to split herself off

From the pain in her own body

She could not feel

With no one around

But a gaping house

To contain it

For the lonely amongst us

It can take ages to see how much we ran

How deeply we had to split off

From the pain inside

How much we distanced ourselves

And learned to close our hearts

To our own feelings

In order to stay safe

In the futile hope

Of putting a stop

To all of the painful endings and separations

But it can take longer to see

That when we fail to surrender to their teaching

We lose the way back to love

And then all that is left is an empty self

That has to deny its own pain

Over and over again

And that then is the time

Our soul will cry

Invisible tears of phlegm

And blood

As the body gives voice

To the truth

That becomes almost impossible

To admit fully to ourselves