I longed for love As I longed for a home A sense of belonging and foundation Even within this body But early experiences tore me apart With all the comings and goings
No every one knows how it is To be the youngest For home to be such a place of hurt Simply due to disregard You hover on the edges hoping to be seen But remaining hidden And then you are injured repeatedly Is it any wonder you came to feel that life was not safe and that your entire body hurt?
Today I wondered why I also hurt myself at times In just the way I was hurt. I see where I shy away from trusting those Who may be there for me Sometimes it seems safer to believe The world is unsafe Rather than take the risk of leaning in Or letting go
So today I just lay on the grass and let the earth cradle me As I felt the soothing healing calm greenness of nature And my whole body unwound And only then did I begin to see more clearly The sense of restlessness that is often driving me To fear fight or flight
Some truths take time to work their way down from the mind To become anchored in a body It is said that trauma makes us feel the body is no longer safe Sensation and life become associated with being destroyed or hurt I can most certainly relate to this and so I question May not anxiety be sometimes Simply a fear of too much life?
Emerging From The Dark Night 