Why do I need to write (share) about my trauma?

The above is a question I was turning over in my mind after driving home from therapy today. I left it until the final ten minutes to share my blog on Fear of Mania today and it was the most emotionally loaded of my posts. I find my trauma story has deep emotions I don’t always access while writing. Some days, like Tuesday, my feelings of helplessness, overwhelm, sadness and powerlessness are close to the surface, some days they go underground. I started to cry towards the final third of reading that post to Kat. There is a lot of pain in what I witnessed two sisters go through. We can label some thing ‘drama’ which is laden with intense feeling, the implication is that we (or I often) would prefer to b a mile away from it, but it dogs us.

The worry about sharing or digging up trauma is that I may be provoking something, unless it is naturally arising for clearing from my system. A subtle chiropractor I see sometimes enlightened me a few years ago of how trauma is stored as vibrational charge in our systems. That is why telling people to think differently about trauma does not always help. At times its best to let sleeping dogs lie, so to speak, at others trauma just bursts through and requires release from our soul, psyche and body and containment and witnessing by another can help us to release it. At others fear from those who cannot cope with our ‘drama’ will block us and we may be retraumatised if we try to share with the wrong people. That is why I was so grateful that on Tuesday my sister and our family friend just let me release my sad feelings silently without saying too much, in time they jus subsided again.

Sometimes the critic in myself or others will ask. “Why are you stirring all this up again?” There can be a time that is not good, but there is also a time to release it. We can never unknow or unexperience something deep we went through. Witnessing a lot of horror filled or terror filled things in childhood can leave a toxic store of angst buried inside of us. Being told we should not be affected is not of help and not all of it can be fixed, the best that can happen is that we learn to understand our feelings, triggers and charges and find ways to soothe and care for them with love, empathy, tenderness and mindfulness.