Sea sick

You often told me

That the day would come

When I would finally find my sea legs

Integrating the power

To stay upright

Amidst all of these powerful surges of emotion

That threaten to drown me

Inundating the permeable vessel of my soul

Knocking me off course

Or pulling me down so deep

With the tidal force of an irresistible undertow

That threatens to obliterate every single trace of joy

I have ever known

Or have been labouring to build with my soul

At times it is still hard to believe

That the day will come 

When I will be less open

More serene

Less naive

Able to hold my own 

As all these powerful surges

Attempt to drown my conscious self

Leading me to despair

Of never not finding my soul

Destroyed or disappearing without a trace

Remaining of the self

Who floundered so many times

Upon the jaggered rocks 

Of her childlike naivety

And ruptured

Illusions of innocence