I am thankful to Kelly for liking this post I wrote in January just before my sister’s second last hospitialisation. After Mum died she did not call me one single day. It speaks of the pain I held in my heart. I still give love to my sis, I am beginning to realise now that her depression makes it impossible for her to give it back (maybe because she struggles to give it to herself) or maybe I am asking too much I just don’t know!
Biding my time
Standing in the shadows of this life
I wait for a word from you
With a hunger that stems from years ago
I am growing rake thin
With the wanting
With this longing
With the waiting
Who knows
If I am real for you
Who knows if
I am meant to even try
Any more
To build some kind of relationship
When all there is left is
A vacancy
There are so many silences between us
And in the gaps between
Pain and hurt and disappointment
That have lost their voice
Scream silently
As inside my chest
I feel sandpaper being rubbed across my heart
You say you have no hunger
For food anymore
I sense the hunger for life
That burned in you like a fire
Was so long ago doused
With the ice cold water
Of other’s invalidation
And you succumbed to the introjects
They…
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Emerging From The Dark Night 
The literal and metaphoric hunger, the sense of grief/loss/void to fill is tangible. I hurt for you from reading this.xx
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Thanks Caz some if the feelings have passed through now..I have nore acceptance. But your thiughts and empathy means the world. 🤗💕
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