I am revisiting some older posts from the time around my cancer treatment. This issue of closeness and togetherness, knowing how to deal with the insensitive comment is one I don’t struggle as much with as I did, but I now at least understand where my ambivalence around relationships stems from knowing what I now know of being both empathic and sensitive as well a carrying soul wounds that I have learned to heal more from within and through therapy.
I wrote this a week ago. Inner critic wouldn’t allow me to post until today:
I am thinking a lot today about the times I have pulled away from support at just the time I have needed that support. Often it is a result of someone saying something that really hurts me, not getting where I am coming from or dissing or minimising something I say or feelings I am trying to express. I am not sure at times if I have blown what they have said out of proportion. I know it has to do with my finely tuned “abandonment radar” which is ready to run at the first whiff of danger. I can then pull away or react in away that causes me more damage. Perhaps I have an accident or go off alone in harsh circumstances when I would have been better to withdraw and yet stay self protected.
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Emerging From The Dark Night 