I wrote this poem while waiting for my diagnosis of breast cancer in 2016. A week prior I had the nightmare mentioned. I was told today we can carry ancestral trauma in our cells. This is a dark poem.. It was such a dark time…. I am glad I am through that darkness now.

Just when I thought I could float again
relax my body and allow the water to hold me
a huge black wave came
and pulled me down
was this what was
prefigured by the dream
In which
I am leaning in to be supported
you show me a chapter
“the terrible nightmare”
your hand reaches in
and twists my insides
I am sucked down deep by this force
I have known before
surrounded by doom
I am being held down
and can barely breath
Presentience?
A week later I am skewed
on the radiographer’s bench
with the needle going into my left breast
four times
while you hold my hand
to perform the biopsy
All I can cry silently is this
“please no more pain”
later you are pressing down
very heavily on my left breast
What is it in the soul that knows
that senses the black wave coming
that heralds a portent?
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