I’m sorry Mum

 I am so sorry Mum

When I read your letter to Jude

It made me realise how sad you were

When your oldest one set sail

For a land so very far away

I read between the lines

Of how life was not so kind

And of how you longed for light fire and connection

Beyond the stoic confines 

Of the life you and my father built

I could not help but feel so sad for you

That keeping busy was the only refuge

For pain in a heart that had no one much to tell

Of how it truly felt

And it reminded me of the many times we sat

While I held both of your hands

When fate proved to be so hard

And everything was swept to ash

Compassion is now growing in my heart

After nearly a full year apart

I see the things of yours I cannot quiet let go

Two pink jumpers

Necklaces and things I know

Were precious to you

And I think of how it must have felt

When I ran so far away

In search of answers

I cannot change the past

It is said by wiser souls

That in life we see so unclearly 

Through a glass that is dark

Until truths come to light

After the longest of nights

How can we truly know 

The private landscape of any human heart

So is it not best to just let go

Of judgements 

For we never really know 

How it truly was for another

And most especially for mothers