Well Mercury retrograde in Sagittarius in only a few day in transit but already I am getting a profound look at the trajectory of my life and I joined the Awakened Empath community on Facebook on Friday and it is such a helpful resource if you are a sensitive empath who struggles with taking on board feelings of others, were not understood for your sensitivity or just lack friends who get you or are on your same wavelength. Already in sharing about my struggles in my past relationships with a narcissist I am getting a lot of understanding and support and its challenging me about the meaning I am making of things. for example my ex was a wounded child of an alcoholic family and very defended against feelings but I still cannot ‘hate’ the way he treated me, so callously at times with lack of true empathy and feeling but then again he was only mirroring my own self diminishment too, I see that even more clearly now, seven years and 8 months out from the ending of that particular relationship.
I see the lesson as important to my growth AND I wish I never had to endure it but I did. It launched me on a path of healing and sent me back to my family where I struggled to be my real self. I see more and more how damaged our family was by the materialistic goals my Dad was following and soon Mercury will backtrack over the position of his Mars in Sag (Mars rules our will to assert and go after our desires). My sister has the same placement at 4 degrees and it came to light on Monday that in the few years before Dad died as well as the trauma of my sister and I he had tried a get rich quick scheme called The Bottom of the Harbour Scheme and then recession had hit and he was in a lot of hot water, very stressed, troubled and anxious. Two years later stomach cancer had taken him and his Mars squares my natal Chiron in Pisces in the seventh house of relationships, his early death and lack of emotional connection with me has fuelled six troubled relationships with men in my life. And recently I have been trying to financially support someone who is a man too. I am seeing a pattern here.
As an empath I naturally want to help others and I am just really questioning at the moment how healthy this motivation is, what should be the limits of my giving and caring to others. All that money is not helping my sister who has inherited a lot but is so ill and doped up on meds at the moment and it is just so sad to see. There is enough money there to help all of our family but it just never seems to be enough. And one part of the family pursue purely material things while not caring at all for the emotional side it seems which is the pattern inherited from two parents who only survived two World Wars and poverty by the skin of their teeth.
Mercury in Sagittarius should perhaps give me faith that something is working out. There are less than 3 weeks to go in this Mercury retrograde and I am on the healing spiral pathway at the moment….circling around the past for a wider view, not longer as immersed in the unconscious feelings and pain. I just need to keep climbing the spiral staircase and put one foot in front of the other each day. My higher power is with me and I am not alone. And I do have a purpose. I can feel it!
Emerging From The Dark Night 