You and I evolved from cavemen and cavewomen who were always on the lookout always alert for danger; always prepared for the worst. So our modern brains are always trying to anticipate what could hurt us or harm us, always trying to predict what might go wrong. No wonder we all have so many doubts, worries, concerns, and fear of failure. This is not a sign of a weak or defective mind, it’s a perfectly natural by product of evolution. And that is why, even if we diligently practice positive thinking every single day of our lives we can’t stop our minds from generating negative thoughts.
Many people are surprised to hear this. After all our society bombards us with messages about the importance of positive thinking (There is even a popular brand of bottled water that says on the label, “Drink Positive, Think Positive!” Please – give us a break. Can’t we even drink water in peace, without being hassled about how we think?) Unfortunately what these books and articles and courses on positive thinking fail to mention is that although we can learn to think a bit more positively that wont stop negative thoughts from arising.
Anything you’ve read in self help books about “erasing old memory tapes,” or “deleting old programs,” or “eliminating negative core beliefs” is stuff and nonsense. The latest discoveries in the world of neuroscience make it very clear that the brain does not eradicate or eliminate old neural pathways; rather it lays down new ones on top of the old ones. The more you use these new neural pathways, the more habitual your new patterns of thinking become. But those old neural pathways will not disappear, those old patterns of thinking will not vanish.
Its a bit like cutting a new path through a forest. The more the new pathway is used, the more established it becomes. But the old path doesn’t cease to exist. If it gets used less often the grass may grow over it to some degree, but its still there – and easily reclaimed. … its a billion times harder to stop using an old pathway in your brain.
So here’s another analogy that might be better. When you practice new types of thinking, it’s like learning to speak a new language. But no matter how fluent you become in the new language, your old language doesn’t disappear. No matter how well you learn to speak Spanish, you wont lose your ability to speak English.
Russ Harris : The Confidence Gap : A Guide to Overcoming Fear and Self Doubt
We can learn to notice our fears, doubts, negativities and concerns and choose to act anyway. This is the tenant of Russell’s book. Its not a case of having to deny our negativity or fear or lack of confidence in life but of accepting and understanding the thoughts, feelings, associations and memories that come up for us. We do not have to fuse or stick like glue to them either. We can notice them and then defuse by not reacting as automatically and many will be familiar with this as the practice of mindfulness but for Harris its a matter not only of noticing but choosing another response. We can choose not to get hooked by all the obstacles, self judgement, predictions and comparisons our minds can make in the face of any day or any choice to live or take action, we can notice when we are hooked by these unworkable thoughts that only cause us more anxiety and generate more fear, paralysis or self abnegation. And we can choose to take action despite them anyway. We can notice, name and neutralise the thoughts we have, which is not unlike a calm parent talking to noticing and helping an anxious or frightened child inside of us. I have personally tried this on the days when my own anxious thoughts have been particularly bad and I no longer get as paralysed as I used to. Just a few years ago I could be paralysed inside my home until 3 or 4 pm in the afternoon when I would then get out for a brief walk with Jasper. Today I was up and in the garden by 8.30 am despite some texts that came through about this recent conflict I am going through. In fact I started to notice when I was creating thoughts and questioning their validity and choosing to take action rather than remain paralysed.
There is more I want to share from Russ Harris’s book another time and I have commitments besides my blog today.. but it was a comfort today to read that it is okay and perfectly natural to have fear and anxiety, it just makes us human. What is most important is how we act on those feelings and react when they arise as well as what we tell ourselves about them and our world as a result.
Emerging From The Dark Night 