Where am I

 

Where am I

What is real?

I am coming to realise how much

Trauma fractures your reality

Splits the world into two

There are the angelic realms of life

And even those moments when I touch

For the briefest times

Heaven on earth

And then there are the times

I find myself sunk

Deep down in the Underworld

Where hosts of demons live

Together with all those memories of the past

Perhaps this is the Shaman’s way

As you so often say

We live between the two

Negotiating it every day

Trying to sense deeper into what lies beneath the surface

But then at times the pure joy and exquisite beauty of the instant is lost

We forget to look too deeply into someone’s eyes

Because a thought has suddenly appeared

Of how many goodbyes

We have said

And then there are the times

That life and living beckons us forward

Calling out of us only all the fears and doubts

About how things might not work out

If we took action

And so

So often we hover as if paralysed

Between the idea and action

With our eyes only turned away

And then indecisiveness captures our energy every day

And the risk of living at times appears too much

As we seek out quiet and solitude in the dusk

But not only as avoidance

Rather as a deep sea diver seeks the pearls

So often only found in silence

In an inner world

That never seems to disappoint us as much

As ordinary humans do