In the process of becoming : (stream of consciousness.)

I did not ever fully realise How much I searched for you And how profoundly your absence haunted me It was present in the longing to be seen and held And not to fall So much through outer space Feeling as though I had disappeared without a trace Into a universe that never noticed How much was struggling

So now if it is hard for me to rest And my thoughts so often run To all the failures that were not that Just mixed up attempts at living When I did not really know the way Do I have to be so dam hard on me?    Maybe it will take some time for things to change Because so often I am haunted by al the ways I seemed to fall short When the truth was I did the best I could With who I was and How I struggled

And I do not know If some people will know how hard it is To be cut down on the brink Of that time in life You were supposed to be Blooming It haunts me even now Because the second chance Called up the echo by seeming coinicidence  But as I turn my gaze back I see how in running away I ran towards my past Until it hit me full throttle in the face Only to shatter me once again And block the way forward Forcing me on the path that led inwards

Maybe the truth is I was not meant to blossom In the old world order That was on the brink of crumbling then Maybe my soul was destined for another fate Maybe even now I am still unformed Maybe even now I am still In the process

Of becoming