Undoing

Fall upon me from on high

These words of life

Or summon up from the depths

These darker visions

Revealed to me when all light disappeared

Over the blackest of years

It is said or I have read

The soul is purged and purified

During the Dark Night

Becoming conscious of the complete undoing of itself

In order that the soul may be humbled

To eventually be greatly exalted

So as I sit in silence

Reading these words God spoke to me

Through my inner ear

And drinking in their beauty

In my soul

I realise how

In later years my suicidal emptiness

Was really a necessary precursor

To become filled

By a power of love

So numinous

It obliterates the Self

While irradiating it with light

And then I realise

How necessary grief was to healing

I have cried so many tears

For my ancestors pain over these past years

And for the unhealed wound bequeathed to me

I remember sadly all the rages and the storms

As everything was torn

But I was only partly conscious then

And now it seems to me

That forgiveness really is the only thing

That keeps me soft

And leads me home

To love and compassion

The only place I wish to live

And I see with clarity

How hard I can be upon myself

At times turning that hardness out

And yet at other times

It seems that I am

Falling falling falling into the pit of grace

Where all the pain is finally transformed

Again

And acceptance comes

Like a soothing shower

That rains down healing blessings

On my soul

That for so long burned

In a fiery crucible

Of undoing and becoming