When I open the door To allow my heart to feel How lonely it was for me As a small child In a world of grown ups Where there was no fun It seems as though A river of longing and tears will just burst out of me Like a flood
So perhaps my soul It is better to allow the tears to come
When I open my mind To see how closed I did become So fearful to want or need or trust anyone It sometimes breaks my heart apart Scattering it into a millions pieces That then become stars shining dimly In the vast dark indigo sky of my soul
There is no way back to reclaim the lost years Of so much hurt and terrible fear There are past opportunities that will never come again And truthful words of those spoken that hurt That cut my insides open like broken glass How could they know the cause was not my fault
Resounding here They come again these words of pain As inner critic grasps them using then as a weapon to beat me “You are screwy flighty insecure A hollow person I pity you You’ve lived shit of a life”
On days like these when there is no escape What else can I do But let the tormented cacophony ring While I wait for rescue or a way to bring Myself out of all thoughts of what is powerless for me to change And find ways once again to grant my aching spirit wings
No my soul Those lost opportunities will not come again But just remember Life is not done with you yet There are tough lessons we have to face And sometimes it feels safer to brace everything inside us against such knowing Leaving fallow new seeds that are ripe for the sowing Untended
And yet the heart that is open to seeing and learning and knowing and growing Is a heart that will no longer allow fully surrendered pain A way to destroy the bearer’s heart over and over again Surely its not easy to live with shame But mustn’t we do all we can to reclaim light and fire from the sadness, lies and pain
Emerging From The Dark Night 