To live in this world? : The very best of me

To live in this world?

Big question is

Do I want to answer

For a long time not

To live in this man made world

That seemed to be so divorced from soul

It seemed to be geared to values

I did not share

Finding a way through it all seemed difficult at best

Precarious and dangerous at worst

And so it seemed I would rather have been in a place

Where I could just walk by the ocean

And feel the silence and stillness

And listen to my dreams

Without so many other voices

And so much busyness

Impinging upon me

And so when my marriage ended that is where I went

Thinking there was something wrong with me

But sensing deeper that what was wrong with me

Was actually right

Was the best part of me

That never go to live in this society

Truth was I had a journey

It was an inward feminine soul journey

Not an outward Masculine heroic one

No I didn’t want to be one of those feminists

Being angry

And looking like men

Trying to compete in a masculine world

Driven by masculine values

Leaving a young baby at home with a nanny

While I ‘achieved’ or ‘succeeded’

In that world

It seemed

Depth and feeling and intelligence

Was seen as a sign of madness

If it led through chaos and decay

The very things our goal oriented society

With its focus on getting it right and appearance

And the negation of nature

Seemed to value

So that now

If I feel myself set apart

And recognise that all along I heard a different music

And danced to the beat of a different drum

Then must perhaps I am beginning to understand

There was nothing actually wrong with me all along

What society and others considered wrong with me

Was actually right with me

Contained the very best of me.