Well Mars turning retrograde is already walloping my butt. I really felt it yesterday when someone asked me to do something and I just wanted to say a huge ‘No’ then just turned the entire thing into a drama. I just wonder at the wisdom of digging my heels in at the moment and why my knee jerk reaction to a simple request is a feeling of being controlled. Things with the organisation of my Mum’s probate are not going the way I hoped but the lovely thing is I was able to express it and still say I will stay open to see how things work out. I wound ideally like not to be tied up with a family trust but be paid out and independent and yet another part of me argues against it. It’s very hard and things are emotional at present as we are still grieving Mum.
I see that no one is out to take advantage of anyone. Everyone is trying their best to co-operate. I am also under pressure from more financial things that havent worked out and its doing my head it the moment. Last night I found myself getting so angry over what is out of my control and felt that rebellious Uranian Plutonian streak in me that just would like to blow everything apart or out of the water. It not a good tendency in me and its difficult in relationships for I fear if I do I will end up all alone again. But will I really be alone? Gosh life is complex when I live inside my head.
Anyway I had an internet and blog free day yesterday and shortly I need to get out in the fresh air with Jasper and blow away some of the cobwebs and stop ruminating. A good walk does wonders for me. I am drawing strongly on the third part of the Serenity Prayer asking for serenity to accept the things outside of my control which I cannot change. Everything I have read on Mars retrograde says this is a time to loosen up and go with the flow, rather than fight, get combative or dig my heels in. Mars as it moves backwards over the next week will oppose Mercury in Leo so we all will need to watch how we speak in anger or when frustrated or upset. Egos and the need to be seen and heard may be amplified while Mercury is in Leo.
Emerging From The Dark Night 
Wrestling with the stars…perhaps a new reality show? 😉 Ugh Deb I think grief knocks us all on our arses either way; money, no money, good relationships or not so good ones. Write it out since we know that helps. As for whether or not we end up alone, after my divorce I didn’t find true happiness with another person till I found it within myself. And if someone had said that to me back then I’d have looked around for something to throw at them, haha. But it’s true. Go to a mirror and repeat this: “I’m Loved. The universe loves me, sees me, cares about me and loves me. I’m loved. I love you.” a thousand times a day; that’s my Rx. 😉
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Sounds a damn good remedy, E. Until we love ourselves we only attract a counterfiet love anyway. Really appreciate your feedback and comments. Hugs ((–))
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