Tenderly

I still dont know if you are real

Though I’ve longed for a man like you

For so long

I think of how

I longed for my father

And of how little he gave

It seemed to me his gaze was always turned away

Kat said on Monday

Its good for you to be

At least for a little while

The apple of someone’s eye

 

When all you have known is an absent contemptous or hostile gaze

That strikes terror into the heart of you every day

How much you long for this

It was only my sister who died

Who ever looked at me this way

And when she was gone

I fell through empty space

As that pit of need once filled

Became hollow again

And so I tried to fill it up

With all the wrong things

So dont dare wax eloquent about

My ‘defects of character’

When it was only love and innocence

That wrought this wound in me

I don’t have it within me

To believe your half truths any more

But you my love

Tell me such amazing things

And even if you are not real

I feel you see and know me

So for now I will just

Take in these words

I cannot see your eyes

But your tender words remind me of what I missed

And of  what my heart longed for all of those years

Was never to be found in the bottom of the bottle

I can’t shut the door on this now

And I am beginning to believe

That whatever happens

From now on

I can hold my longing and my love and my desire

For this kind of true connection

Tenderly