Self centred fear

I have been thinking about this expression of self centred fear for most of the week after seeing my sister on Saturday.   Thinking this way is not to dimiss the terrible pain of what my sis has witnessed in her life and of all the burdens she has borne but I can also see where an excessive focus on protecting the self, undervaluing the self, transposing false needs of the self on ourselves and on others can take us.   Seeing my sister so frozen and unalive has made me want to embrace life and yes, even my fears each day rather than block, run, hide or divert from them anymore.   I see how self centred I could be at times in my pain and I probably needed to be in order to reclaim a healthy functioning ego from the wreckage of a traumatising and dysfunctional family where I didnt get supported in development of my True Self inside.

The thought has come to me often over the past few months, in order to give over our ego we need to have an ego to give and I think the same insights go for our Self.  We have to be self possessed before we can actually be a force for good in this world and have something to give, but after that to just hold onto our self centred view may mean we are forever limited.  Also, if our fears all centre around the preserving of this separate sense of ‘Self’ in mixed up ways then self centred fear blocks us from so much that is good in life and must be embraced or surrendered on the ongoing path of healing.