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Subsumed by darkness

Child 6

You sit

Face ashen

Body like lead

Telling me stories

Of the voices in your head

I see the weight of utter hopelessness

Pulling you down

As my heart breaks

I do not know how to fully express the horror of it in words.

There is no light at the end

I can see

You say

And feel in you this terrible terrible darkness

And your struggle

With the meds they fed you

Turning you grey

And the Shock treatment

Which they want to give you again

Everything in my body screams

NOOOOOOO

I want to take a gun to their heads

But are doing all they know how to save you

I ll say it again

There is no chemical solution to a spiritual ill

And you spirit is gone somewhere

So so deep and is crying silent tears

Your eyes cannot shed

Wracking your body inwardly

And oh my God I cry inside

Angels and saints

Let there be light

This hearbreak Is something

I have no words for

There is no way to save you

From the demons and ghosts in your head

Who tell you you are nothing

Have nothing

And who am I to argue

I only know

Have I said it already too many times

My heart is breaking

To be so low

To see you so utterly broken

So subsumed by darkness

And no longer know the beauty of your soul

My sister my heart breaks for you

Again and again

I am broken you said

 

(Asking for prayers for my sister presently really struggling and for me to keep having the courage to be there for her even in the darkness)

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Published by: emergingfromthedarknight

"The religious naturalist is provisioned with tales of natural emergence that are, to my mind, far more magical than traditional miracles. Emergence is inherent in everything that is alive, allowing our yearning for supernatural miracles to be subsumed by our joy in the countless miracles that surround us." Ursula Goodenough How to describe oneself? People are a mystery and there is so much more to us than just our particular experiences or occupations. I could write down a list of attributes and they still might not paint a complete picture pf Deborah Louise and in any case it would not be the full truth of me. I would say that my purpose here on Wordpress is to express some of my random experiences, thoughts and feelings, to share about my particular journey and explore some subjects dear to my heart, such as emotional recovery, healing and astrology while posting up some of the prose/poems which are an outgrowth of my labours with life, love and relationships. If anything I write touches you I would be so pleased to hear for the purpose of reaching out and expressung ourselves is hopefully to connect with each other and find where our souls meet.

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7 thoughts on “Subsumed by darkness”

  2. Many of these words were said to me ( in years gone by) as I was in one hopsital, institution or state mental institution or another. Medicated? YES. I became a monster on Thorazine. It removed ALL filters. I raged, I had outbursts that became necessary to further medicate me. At one of my morning reviews with staff and P Docs I was together enough to say get me off this crap!! It was not my first time in that facility and I asked them if they had Ever seen me behave in such a way!! I have epilepsy from Many serious head injuries so ECT was Not for me~ it essentially induces a seizure(s) and certainly had potential for damage. Besides after seeing so many patients experience this treatment, completely disoriented and actually drooling sometimes for days I though Nope…. but when we are that lost we can grasp at any straw offered no matter the potential for serious side-effects.
    I send You Love and LIGHT!!
    And I am Grateful that it sounds like your sister is NOT in a facility like some of the hell holes I have been in!! ( I have also been in one Great place tho!!)
    Namaste and Brightest Blessings!! Heart ( both yours And hers) Healing!! ❤

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    1. You know it from the inside. I have seen my sis reduced to a comatose mess by last shock treatment. She thinks she is a ‘mess’ now but thats becuase her feelings are being blunted. She needs to grieve but she is so frozen all the grief trapped in her body… its just haunting to see her in this state…. heart breaking I just want to bust her the hell out of there to be honest to get her some real healing. ❤

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  3. I’m so sorry you and your sister are going through such dark times right now. I’m very wary of shock treatments myself, and see that only as a LAST resort. Aren’t they offering her any type of psychotherapy instead of just wanting to go to extremes?

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    1. No which fucking burns me Rayne all they are doing is seeking to invalidate her at any turn talking about her ‘phobias” I think i Need to go and talk to her psychiatrist as they are as usual misinformed and so shallow in their approach. She is like a terrified deer caught in headlights blinded by invalidation and no support or love or hugs or nuture. It angers me so much. I want to burn the place down. ❤

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