Autumnal

Today we awoke to gun metal grey skies and a deck washed clean of leaves, the whistling wind had whipped the branches of the tree and as I slowly uncurled from sleep I contemplated the mystery of how some leaves just hang onto the branches long after their companions have fallen.  Immediately I thought of my Mum and my sister whose anniversary of leaving us is in a few days time.

Yesterday I received some very sad news that the wife of my Mum’s caretaker, Allan who is such a beautiful man has stage 4 cancer and an aggresive brain tumor and only a few months to live and she too is such a gentle beautiful person who we used to have lunch with from time to time and had grown so fond of.

I immediately started crying as she is only early 60s just as my Dad was when he died and the synchronicity was not lost on me.  Allan like my Mum who lost Dad just after her 60th birthday is a Scorpio just like Mum.   I have not been able to call Allan yet as I do not really know what to say at such a difficult time.   I then realise as much as I get upset with people when they say that hurtful thing after a loss its not an easy thing to address in words.  All I know is that my heart aches for Allan and his family and the news is such a shock.

It was also a powerful reminder of how much my sister gets affected as it was she who gave me the news and she was not able to express emotion but I could tell how upset she was.  I was so sad it had been as long as it had that I hadn’t heard from her and then for it to be bad news, well it was just so so sad.

Winter’s approach can be for me a reminder of death and shedding.   I find the winter a darker and more solitary time, today I forced Jasper and I out for a walk in the green fields behind the dog park and I felt better for it.  We don;t see anyone much on weekends but the past few days at the dog park we connected with a few people if only for a short time.   I struggled with a lot of negative thoughts in my head today concerning the state of the garden following the disappointment of the relationship with the bulllish gardener lady not working out last week.   I went to the hardware store and bought a half a dozen plants to fill up the empty spaces and I am just in the middle of watching a charmingly quirky English movie on a neglected garden being reclaimed by a woman abandoned at birth called The Beautiful Fantastic so there has been a big focus on gardens and nature lately for me which seems to be apt with Venus planet of beauty in the sign of nature Taurus at present.   My own garden could never hope to emulate the leafy green abundance of an English summer garden in full bloom.  It’s what I long for in my imagination but never quite manage to achieve in Australia in real life, but I am practicing looking for the good in today.

Our afternoon walk gave me a hit of natural energy which infused me with a good feeling.  Jasper had a huge frolic near the nursery and came home nodding off in the car and hit the deck for a snooze while I made an afternoon cup of coffee.  I am aware we are in the dark of the Moon phase for a while as the new Moon does not occur in Australia until tomorrow, the 16th.   As dusk approaches I will just rest in the inky darkness of a late autumn evening as it approaches, solitary as it is.

I hope everyone had a peaceful weekend, for overseas readers your Sunday is probably just beginning I hope that there are beautiful signs of spring appearing in your world where ever you live.