I had a though today of how midlife for many of us who have knowen deep heartbreak and lack of support may involve a lot of grieving in the soul…..that needs to be opened too.
Reading Tara Brach’s book on finding True Refuge I was touched by the work she does with a woman who is full of self reproach… she helps her to make peace with her heart by connecting within and leaving self condemnation behind. She makes the point that self compassion practice does not by pass hurtful things we may have done, while also helping us to welcome in those painful truths and bear them. Then there is the suffering that comes at the hands of other’s meanness, betrayal, lack of empathy or compassion that may be turned around on us, wounds we have to do a lot of work with so they dont internalise as toxic resentment. These we must also offer tenderness and self compassion.
For me, when I find myself opening up to this grief and allow it a place I feel a softening inside and something in me feels like its letting go and expanding, which contrastst with the contractive energy of criticism that leads to so much anxiety….A therapist of Taras gave her this advice when she was struggling with compulsive eating in college.. : “If you can notice when your obessing (or getting lost in self criticism) and then feel what is happening in your body you’ll eventually find peace of mind.” When we notice the contractions and send love then we are able to expand and let those feelings have space, then they can move and shift deeply inside us. We may be flooded with grief, but it will be a grief of shedding and release which opens us up, eventually to new possibilities.
Emerging From The Dark Night 