I was very upset and distressed to check my comment feed while out today to find something I posted yesterday really angered a follower who I really value and care a lot about. The post in question was a quote from Buddhist teacher Pema Chodron on things falling apart being a ‘test’. The follower was angry and I got where she was coming from as the idea of a test implies we must measure up and the there is a positive or negative gain if we met or live up to or ‘fail’ the test. The moment I read her comment I felt sick to my stomach and knew I had to race home and post this post.
Everything shared here on my page is just my opionon or comes out of personal experience but often I will be moved to post quotes from authors or others that appeal, I do love a lot of what Pema Chodron writes but sometimes to be honest Buddhism leaves me cold with its focus on non attachment, which does not take into account those of us who were attachment wounded in youth. That said the idea of detaching means that although a thing upsets us we choose for a time not to allow that said thing to keep hurting us to the point where we suffer too much, but then again maybe its not really possible or ideal to detach at times. We perhaps need to engage fully and be totally real about how we are affected. I am very grateful this person who although I have never met I care deeply about shared her feelings with me today. I hope only to help others with my blog and don’t wish to add to any suffering in the world. That said I am just human and somethings I say and do do hurt others. Nevertheless I had to post this just to say I am sorry that this post angered you and I do understand. Maybe not everything is a test, maybe its just a something that happens to us for no reason at all and somethings that are really bad do end up breaking us but I also know that at times being broken can mean a shedding and breaking through or new birth of some aspect of self or new understanding, so in that way whatever happens is less of a test and more a part of our path, much of which we dont always have control over.
Emerging From The Dark Night 
i’m sure its ok. i’m sure she’ll forgive you. xo
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I dont need her forgiveness. I just wanted to express how I felt.
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It is unfortunate that some people don’t agree with some things we post without getting upset about it because they don’t agree. I don’t think anyone has to apologize for posting their opinion and/or beliefs. If they feel insulted, you didn’t make them feel that way. It is their own reaction. They can choose to be angry or they can choose to say their own opnion, respectfully, or they can unfollow. No one should have to feel like they are walking on glass when they are expressing their opinion about something, unless your opinion is intentionally hurting someone.
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Yes, but I did understand where she was coming from and discussed it with my therapist this afternoon. When you have undergone high level trauma to read somethign saying it was a `test` can be triggering. My intentions were good. I hate it when others get hurt but that said its not my fault. Thank you for your kind opinion. ❤
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Hi Deborah. I’m pretty sure you’re referring to me in this post, so thought I would just clarify a little. I wasn’t angry with YOU for having posted that at all. I was just expressing how those specific words that the person you quoted used was a sore point for me. So I was basically disagreeing with her, and it was nothing personal towards you. I’m sorry if it came across that way. You never have to feel bad, anxious, or guilty for anything you post. This is your blog. Hugs and love to you. 🙂 ❤
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It is okay Rayne I know now you weren’t angry with me and I really understood your reaction..its just when something upsets me I find its better to express it.. I care about you and felt bad that this caused you upset physically in my body…..that was all…love to you ❤
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Maybe this was your test? Or could it have been theirs?
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I actually believe it was theirs. They were triggered by that and my therapist helped me to understand this when I shared about it in session. We do get tested and I was tested to be kind and empathic in that situation to that person’s difficulties. 🙂
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Speaking our minds can always invoke a reaction in others. If it did not then we are only preaching to the choir or what we are saying is not very significant. Although speaking to those who already agree with you is “safe” you are really not accomplishing much. So in speaking to people who do not already agree with you their is always a risk that the reaction you get may not be positive. As long as you have given thought to what you are saying and feel that your life experience has proven it to be of value than you should not feel bad about an negative reaction. In fact the negative reaction they have is often because what you are saying strikes a chord in them. This may get them to think about something in a way that they had not thought of it before. The problem is that this generally takes time and they don’t always come back to inform you of their realization. All we can do when we get a negative reaction is to give thought to what they are saying and re-evaluate our position. Maybe we are missing something? But if you give it some thought and you still come to your original conclusion then you cannot feel bad about sharing your thoughts with others because to you they are correct and you may in fact help someone. Since when you blog you are possibly sharing your thoughts with thousands of people it would be unrealistic to think that they will all respond favorably. Just have faith in yourself, your own judgement, and your desire to help others. Good Luck! 🙂
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Thank you so much everything you wrote is spot on and I often do challenge people but am not always wrong..bless you..
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