Confusion

Life is a confusion in which we are lost?

I don’t know where I read that quote or those words but they stuck in my mind

Perhaps only true for some of us really

Do you know your heart?

Do you know where you are going?

Can you have your feelings And not necessarily act them out or act on them Until they wash you clean or clear the debris helping you see what is more deeply obscured by them?

So often in my life I see where knee jerk reactions got me in problems If I could have just contained those feelings they would have worked through and transformed in some way.  That is why although I initially struggled when my therapist set a boundary with me about no contact outside of the physical here and now connection of the rooms I now see the value in it.

I think my Mum struggled to contain her own angst in many ways And so it got dumped on us at home   I remember the interview I had just prior to my first Jungian analysis The lady conducting it made some very spot on observations that years later I see to be very perceptive She spoke of my Mums unexpressed anger and of how I might be carrying it

With Mars conjunct my Moon big emotions rise in me and with Saturn there they hit a wall at times.  I feel stopped from reaching out or moving forward and then I can get over the top with those who seem to not see me or block or thwart me (this happens a lot on the road with traffic.  I swear like a trouper in my car!)   It all goes back to what I carried from my Mum and my living sister and dead sister both struggled with Mars energy and got it blocked  To the point now that my sister has lost a lost of her former inner vitality yet in another way has become more grounded, integrated and wiser though I wish she could see this side of herself because a tendency in our family at times can be to downplay our good qualities

The planets are very real living inner psychic energies to me As humans we partake of archetypal energies which manifest in different ways and when you examine ancestors charts you may see themes like Mars Saturn and Moon Saturn playing out

So while at times life seems confusing you can find thread to follow which will lead you along a path to self understanding with finding planetary threads woven across generations

When you then find a way of re-orienting yourself, you are no longer as lost and your confusion may turn into a movement against fusion and as impulse to forward movement now freed from formerly unconscious constraints.