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I wrote this post last night and was unsure whether to post it.  I am not a ‘blocker’.  I try to keep my heart open but it challenges me to read about those suffering from depression who dont seem to have an awareness into deeper causes beyond all the symptomology.  I see a key wound in depression is about soul loss as well as loss of real heartfelt connections with others and with our inner selves and sources of love, care and nurture.  In the interests of honesty I am going to post this post but I don’t think I will unfollow the person just not read that particular blog as much.

I just made the choice to unfollow a blog on depression I have followed for some time.  I don’t want to say which one as I would prefer to keep my own discriminations (which may be seen as judgements) to myself and just follow my gut instincts.  I found myself getting upset that posts were all about symptoms and so little about the deeper underlying issues.  I am not on medication and I have never been on it.  That is not to say I would say what is right for anyone else but I saw my sister really suffer under the use and prescription of long terms meds and dont even get me started on electro convulsive therapy which was also mentioned in comments on one post.

I choose to see depression not as a biochemical imbalance but as a symptom of soul loss.  I know this may be considered a radical view by some but it is what I have seen, disempowerment leads to loss of soul, trauma and loss can lead to loss of soul, emotional neglect and abuse can lead to loss of soul, loss of or absence of meaningful loving connections with others and meaningful live purpose leads to depression and loss of vitality and joy that accompanies depression.  Until we go on the journey to reclaim the lost soul and lost vitality within us we are not really alive in the fullest sense.

I try to keep a focus in my blog on recovery and healing, I get a bit tired of reading posts that are just about different categories of depression with different name and types.  Most depression is reactive anyway, it doesn’t exist for no reason.  I am sure there is a seasonal component to depression as we are part of nature and if we have inner sadness or darkness we can feel worse on the darker days and with lower levels of light and heat we have less energy in winter but if we dont have that soul loss we can feel the love present even in the coldest of days and darkest of nights.     That said on the bright days if we are in a severe depression we may not see any light at all or feel it in our hearts and souls due to where we are at.

I believe depression says what it is.  It is about energy, feelings, experiences deeply pressed down in our soul, being, body and consciousness.   Depression can also be related to despair the sensitive amongst us can feel as a result of the abuse of nature and falling away from natural forces of caring and alignment with values and expression of love, acceptance, caring, emotional support, kindness and love which may manifest in abuse, intolerance, neglect of our inner self and feelings.

Opposite

There is a difference between sadness and depression because when we are feeling sad or crying a lot we are actually releasing our pain or trying to give some expression to it.  Pain is not pathology much as our society would like us to believe that it is.  I borrowed a book from the library today on this subject where the writer was arguing how we cannot think our way out of feeling because thinking and feeling are two very different things and to be told we can reframe our pain or change it by thinking differently makes no sense until we work our way through it.

I posted a post earlier today that spoke of anger, sadness and despair as three feelings that may be part of our depression or depressive episodes, but if we are not allowed to feel these feelings we cannot release them and when we are told that our depression is part of a chemical imbalance alone it negates the soul in us.  Our brain and body chemistry does change when depressed but those changes hark back to other events in our life that took place at critical stages or may be due to biochemistry we inherited from our parents or grand parents who underwent trauma, loss, separation, death or anxiety according to latest epigenetic research.  Babies who are not cuddled or touched can easily become depressed.  Babies left to cry or in distress turn the pain inward and lack a a capacity to self soothe.  Also the work of Mark Wolynn shows depression and anxiety are often a result of the fracture or difficulties in maternal connections or other traumas going back generations.  In that book he shows how we can work with imagery to help alter reactions and brain chemistry or at least develop insight into causes.   Once we know where our pain or depression comes from we are able to unwind some of it.  I would refer readers to his book It Didn’t Start With You.  I will link some of my blogs which outline his research and work to this one later when I have more time.

That said some people in this life go through the most unspeakable of losses and traumas.  Without the right help and support at the critical time their lives can be ruined and some losses are so deep that people cannot find a way to come back from them if they are not supported.  If their suffering is not empathised with or made sense of and if they get zilch in the way of comfort, why would they want to stay alive?

I witnessed the evolution of this in my older sister’s life.  She died after spending years in a care home after suffering an acquired brain injury due to stress and over use of alcohol, drugs and workaholism.  Following her brain injury her husband abandoned her and took her four children who she rarely saw and although she tried her best to come back from this in the end she never did.   Towards the end she was highly medicated and there were many times I saw her in a state of distress that would calm when I showed her empathy, in the home they did not respond from this emotional level but just gave her drugs so much so that in the end she was dissociating most of the time, her soul was lost and a long way off from her body, in the end it called her out of life.

I realise this post may lose me some followers but the time has come to be clear about the approach I take on these subjects.  I am happy to hear and read posts about recovery but to read over and over posts that are just about symptoms which appear to show no rhyme or reason and no deeper insight fills my heart with sadness when I know there are other ways and deeper levels of healing available to us when we look to the soul rather than to purely biochemical processes.

I need to be true to what I feel and express it here otherwise I am not running a genuine blog that will really benefit others.   That said everyone has their own path and my blog will not appeal to everyone either.

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Published by: emergingfromthedarknight

"The religious naturalist is provisioned with tales of natural emergence that are, to my mind, far more magical than traditional miracles. Emergence is inherent in everything that is alive, allowing our yearning for supernatural miracles to be subsumed by our joy in the countless miracles that surround us." Ursula Goodenough How to describe oneself? People are a mystery and there is so much more to us than just our particular experiences or occupations. I could write down a list of attributes and they still might not paint a complete picture pf Deborah Louise and in any case it would not be the full truth of me. I would say that my purpose here on Wordpress is to express some of my random experiences, thoughts and feelings, to share about my particular journey and explore some subjects dear to my heart, such as emotional recovery, healing and astrology while posting up some of the prose/poems which are an outgrowth of my labours with life, love and relationships. If anything I write touches you I would be so pleased to hear for the purpose of reaching out and expressung ourselves is hopefully to connect with each other and find where our souls meet.

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36 thoughts on “Unfollow”

  2. Thank you. This needed to be said, and not just about depression, but many ailments. Too often (and my that I mean almost All the time) we treat the symptoms and never even look for a cause. From headaches, to fevers, to depressions, to someone with 13 chronic illnesses. The list goes on and on.

    After my father committed suicide I was medicated because I was “too depressed” and my symptoms needed treated. By all accounts I was functioning and taking care of my brother and my mother who couldn’t take care of herself or us. She wasn’t medicated. BUT because I cried I needed medicated for depression. My father had died, and the reality is I hadn’t shed one tear. I was too busy taking care of her. So when I should have been feeling, and should have been sad, and rightfuly upset at his absent, I was medicated for feeling I wasn’t even allowed time to feel in the first place.

    In therapy since I have come to realize that preemptive medication for traumatic events, and medication natural feelings is way to common and totally BS.

    So thank you for writing this. Medication symptoms, without even identifying a cause is something I’m passionate about, especially when there are so many lifestyle changes that can be made once a cause is identified. But too often Drs, nd at least here in America, people want magic pills to fix things. Is really sad. And it’s killing us on a cellular level.

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    1. Oh Lily I wish I could give you a hug. What an absolutely heart renching story. I know how little your Mum could give you emotionally and to have to be her caretaker would mean how could you really truely grieve and must have felt and been SO ALONE!. My tears for my Dad didnt really emerge until in therapy 14 years later as I medicated with booze and drugs and relationships…..I shed more of them when my Godfather died but was looked on askance by older sister for being so uncool and ‘dramatic’ and showing emotion including hugging his grandchildren. WTF?????

      I just wanted to say your comment means a lot to me as I would never want to hurt the feelings of anyone on medication and sometimes it may be needed but not in continuance and in teh absence of deeper healing work.

      Hugest of hugs to you sweet Lilly and thank you so much for your presence here.

      Love to you darling ❤

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      1. I agree that each person has to make an informed decision. Bit informed is the key word
        They can’t decide if meds are fighting they are only treating symptoms and haven’t even addressed the cause

        Thank you For your sympathies and understanding. Wow, 14 years, that must have been so hard to finally open up after so long. For me it was 2 years when I finally cried. By then my mom was on to husband number 2, and while I still see the man as my dad (even though she hates me for that because she is on to husband number 3) I needed to grieve for my daddy, and my mom thought it would make things uncomfortable. I mean “come on already, it’s been 2 years.” Like I was supposed to just get over losing my father, like it was a goldfish I would never have in my life again.

        I’m so sorry you have been through so much. And i wish i could hug you too. I feel like I have found a soul connection in you.

        I mostly don’t even bring up my traumas with most people, because on the one hand, some people have had it so much worse than I have, especially in any single one event compared. But when I start to talk about all I’ve been through in my life, I just don’t think people believe me. Especially when they see that I have survived and am doing alright. Like, apparently this was supposed to fuck me up, and hi should be comotose or string out on drugs in some dark back alley way. Font get me wrong. I have my shit. But I lead a mostly normal life. Isolated and alone from thebfamiky we had to leave, but we are moving up as we heal.

        Sorry, I went off topic. All of that to say, thank you for being so raw and open, because it helps me make a heart connection that I wouldn’t otherwise be able to depend on and look forward to.

        My only wish is that somehow I could wish away the pain and trauma that brought bothbofbus together and that none of us knew this pain so intimately.

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      2. I so understand that desire to wish it away. I took down a post about that in connection with what my nephew is suffering now. We have both been through so much.

        I know that feeling of not wanting to open up your trauma with certain others, and that is wise as to share and not be believed can be retraumatising.

        I feel the same connection with you too Lily. Dont ever apologise for going off topic as all your thoughts and feelings and perspectives are welcome here.

        I value our connection so much, too. Are things going a bit more smoothly for you now? Are you and your family settling in to your new circumstances? ❤ ❤

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      3. Thank you, your support is so appreciated and reciprocated. I love you too dearheart.

        We are starting to settle, as well as possible. We are still searching for housing. It’s hard to settle when you are in permanent transition status. But that won’t be permanent! Thank you fornyour thoughts and concerns and love, as always!

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  3. Thanks for the post, Deborah. You make a lot of sense, and, I my heart of hearts, it has the ring of truth. I’m in a struggle to get off the “magic pills”, having just beaten a five year addiction to Z Drugs, and in the process of weaning from antidepressants.

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    1. I really encourage you Lee. I think maybe short term these can help but in some ways they lead us to place our power outside of the self. I would never say no drugs ever and its not my right to do so. In AA we used to always say we share our experience, strength and hope. I see my living sister struggling under what I believe to be an inaccurate diagnosis and its so hard. I wish she could put her trust in her inner world and feelings but its a hard path when we have to deal with all the voices in our head and other complex symptoms which can be worse as we age. I send you lots of love and light in your process to find freedom. Hugs always Deborah

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      1. A year ago, I was nearly at the bottom, curled up in bed and on the point of doing harm. I had resisted the idea of drugs for years, but needed some kind of help. Having beaten the Z drugs I now feel I have a chance to do the rest.

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      2. Maybe having the drugs is all part of the journey, if they helped you then. That is why my blog and opinions are only that….. I am so glad you got off the Z drugs, Lee. I came across a great little book in the library yesterday 10 Best Anxiety Busters. Its loaded with practical useful advice that is not medical but biological as well as psychological.

        ❤

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  4. The exact words I said to my doctor when she asked me to describe my feelings that day were “anxious, restless, sad, and worthless”. The sleeping wasn’t so much of an issue, as I was still taking the Z Drug. So, that same day, I was given a script for the antidepressants and an appointment with the therapist. She called it Situational Depression because I was going through some emotional issues at the time, and had had a blackout which she attributed to that stress. The cardiologist disagreed.

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      1. Quite a few years ago. It was an issue with loneliness and alienation within my marriage. At that same time, I was in a platonic friendship with a woman who had befriended me.

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  5. I’ve been on my antidepressants for a couple of years now, and have tried to come off a few times but things just got worse. So I have to stay on them. Medication is necessary sometimes.

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  6. Depression is another one of those 50-shades-of-grey areas and because science doesn’t know it all (not even half of it!) there’s plenty of subjectivity about it. I think you’ve done the right thing in unfollowing, especially if it’s more triggering than anything of substance or support. My thoughts on depression are quite complex and open to change, and even more so perhaps when it comes to medication; everyone is different, everyone’s history and experience is unique and so is the ‘treatment’ or management when it comes to depression. Very thought-provoking post, I’m glad you decided to publish it! x

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    1. Thank you Caz. It is complex because the body and our cells are complex in reaction to chemicals which were are anyway, its just I dont think some of traditional Western science is as knowledgeable about this as other traditions which understand the cellular compositions and reactions and interconnected organs in different ways. For example I take tissue salts which affect levels of substance (minerals) in my body. These have a profound affect and used wisely can be less damaging than pharmacueuticals (as they dont damage the liver which chemicals such as lithium do : that said lithium helps some people just not when its used so much that it makes the liver toxic) and our body is full of a number of different hormal systems which all inter-relate. So yes it is complex and is matter of finding out what works for us. And with depression which also has to do with joy in life there are outside things that can and do affect us for good and ill as well at the attitude we take to certain, events, people, situations. Love to you, beautiful ❤

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  8. Really enjoyed reading this so I am going to follow you for speaking the truth. I also wrote a post just now about unfollowing and I will send it to everyone who made a big deal when I unfollowed them😂. I really agree with her point made in this post

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  9. If it was dimming down your senses to enhance positive energy and messing with your realm of Zen than it was in fact schism need to be severed.

    “Something that can be beneficial to others can be essence to kryptonite in another’s life” E.O.S

    As you evolve as deeper understanding to fundamentals of discovering or re-discovering yourself there are sacrifices needed to elevate to higher ascending.

    Proud of you Mate for seeing the need to emulate change

    Slainte

    Alex

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  10. You and I know first hand that Roller Coaster can ripped everything from you without mercy it is up to you push back and continue to wave against the dips into the fire.

    Slainte

    Alex

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