Getting real

Desire is the Self in Expression….

Passion is the desire for a full and meaningful life.

(Andrea Mathews)

 

I am an avid reader and browser of bookshops and libraries as many of my followers would know, today I picked up an interesting book titled You’re Not That Great.  The title might be a bit of a downer and I must say part of me thinks we all matter, whether or not we are ‘great’ is another thing.  After browsing through I think what the author is getting out is when we buy into illusions we may be covering up realities that we do at times feel vulnerable, helpless and a bit of a failure, or make mistakes and have limitations,  and that in society we are not encouraged to be honest and are often fed meaningless aphorisms all the time, such as we should never have any regrets because ‘everything happens for a reason’.

I don’t know how many of you have seen the movie Under the Tuscan Sun but the eccentric older female character who befriends Francis in this story comes to mind.  Do you remember the scene where she is drunk, has been dumped again and tells Frances not to have any regrets?  Her heart is obviously aching and her life is very empty and she seems to be full of denial, boozed up to the max!… I do believe there are lot of people like this out there, they deny they regret things they really do and then they can’t learn much really.  And to be told we should not be sad or regret something painful well it really is just another form of emotional invalidation in my way of thinking.

The author Elan Gale also speaks about how so often we can also deny that we wish to reach for goals and dreams.  To admit that we have dreams, desires and aspirations may mean that if we don’t reach or achieve them, we feel inferior or will suffer disappointment.  I must say I can relate to this as a person who has, just at the point of reaching for or achieving a dream has aborted or self sabotaged, often due to a pull from another quarter as well, as in my family I did feel a great sense of responsibility towards my disabled sister at the time I was wanting to actually go for my own dreams, which was to complete my study of the Psychological Astrology course in London I commenced in 2001, she was ailing and needed support, but lately I have wondered if I was not, then, just taking the easier way out by putting my own dreams and wishes on hold, repressing the fact of what I really needed for myself and putting those needs on hold.

Hopefully some of us are lucky enough to have good friends in our life who will be honest with us and not feed us these kind of aphorisms when we are actually attempting to get real and serious about seeing where we might get derailed by our own fears, weaknesses .blind spots, negative patterns and limitations.  We are also lucky if we feel we can actually be real and express our need and want from a true and honest place without caring as much about how we might appear to others if we seem to fall short of expectations that may not be realistic for us.

I am looking forward to reading more of Elan’s book.  Its always interesting to read a book the comes from a more grounded and realistic perspective in this modern day and age where so many of us are encouraged to live in denial and measure up to goals or standards that have little to offer us as real people.  I’ll keep you posted on my progress.