Missing

I am missing a therapy session today due to my therapist having a family commitment.  I recognise when there is break in rhythm and absence my body can suffer from it, particularly when I am full of a lot of grief.  I feel due to feeling exhausted by what broke through yesterday it would have been a lot to make it there by 11 today.  This is the time I really draw upon my blog but I also know the real work of healing often takes place outside of the therapist’s rooms.  I hope this break in the rhythm today wont have difficult consequences.

Grief and loss does make us tired and at this stage what I am grieving is not only her loss but the absence of motherly containment, presence and love in my younger years.  Mum never got it so she could not give it and I see the wound stretchs back over 4 generations so my grief now is not only personal but collective and that accords with a 12th house Moon eclipsed on 31 January.

If the Moon is the mother’s body and imprints that live on and we are cells within cells within cells spanning back generations what we feel and experience with mother is inherited and goes way back to the ocean.   What is missing is just not personal but deeply, deeply collective for all of us in our masculinised culture that can be at times so brutal towards the deeper feminine.