Anger moves us

I am burning up today and as I think about the role of anger as a servant of the self (in astrology the planet Mars to do with self assertion and beingness – first felt in the sign it rules Aries exists to serve the Sun which is the essential core of the self.)  If this hot Solar urge gets cold water poured onto it what happens to Mars?  If the arrow that wants to shoot out of our heart as a heart’s desire then has to go skewif or is torn in half by another’s hand where does the urge for propulsion go.  Do when then have to swallow back in the desire and nearly choke on it as it hits our insides?

I rang my nephew in tears this afternoon shortly after receiving a Facebook message from the person who blocked me back in December.   I just felt sick after I read it.  I dont fully understand the depths of what got triggered but I am sure the reply I sent back will ensure the relationship will now well and truly be over as I was honest about how suicidal I was feeling lately.   When I shared this with my nephew he told me he thinks I need to get out of my home town and come up to be with he and his family, but even the idea of it which seems a good one at the time fills me with dread, what happens if I am up there and I am sad and authentic and real?  Will I be able to me me?   Will I be able to exist?

I don’t even know if these questions make sense but it just occured to me that in a weeks time an eclipse is coming and its affecting my chart.  I was reading the beautiful piece of writing on authenticity and anger that Jeff Forster wrote in his book The Way of Rest which I shared about in an earlier post calling it A Sanctuary for Lions.  

https://wordpress.com/post/emergingfromthedarknight.wordpress.com/36784

In it he gives voice to how important our authentic self expression most essential of those feelings and responses which fire us up with passion and if you think about it anger and passion are in many ways related. It’s so sad to see a person who has been abused or invalidated so long who has fallen into that disempowered place where their passion and fire has been completely obliterated.  It was what I witnessed in my sister after she underwent an aggressive course of shock treatment back in 2014.  It was the saddest saddest thing I had ever seen a person reduced to and reminds me of images of women in insane asylums from old movies where they are straightjacketed and all the light is gone from their eyes.

Can we bear to know what such souls suffered at the hands of a patriarchy so hostile to the inner feminine in the soul?  By those who studied their fucking degrees and get paid to numb the reality from out of their souls by any method possible and then profit with acclaim for their blinkered ignorance and self satisfation?

Well this is my lion’s roar.  We must not submit.  We must not be straight jacketed.  We must fight with all the passion we can not to have our souls destroyed.  Its not just our survival that depends upon it but the survival of the earth too.