Okay I can just imagine the kind of backlash that could come out of the second statement in the header for today’s post, surely if we want to ‘improve’ ourselves we should strive for perfection? But what if the expectation that we and others should have it together or get it right’ is actually a breeding ground for a lot of problems and suffering in our life and in our world?
I was prompted to write this post after reading the following :~
….. the winding path (that is life) includes every single mistake we have ever made. And many of these mistakes have been great teachers. They teach us where the limits are, how to balance ourselves, where we are skilled or talented, and where we are not; they even teach us to love …. But for the good guy, every mistake is a travesty of time and energy and takes that much more time away from getting it right. The goal is always to get it right, rather that to surrender to a learning experience. This definition of perfection then only further serves to wound us, keeping us stuck….
The concept that we are all human and make mistakes and can, if we choose to learn from them, grow in wisdom and compassion gets us a lot further along and helps us keep evolving if we so choose. The idea that we need to strive for perfection or goodness and then must beat ourselves up or berate ourselves for falling short keeps us stuck and bound in undeserved shame, criticism and self blame. Learning and growing allows for mistakes.
Caring supportive people do not demand of others perfection and ‘goodness’ and this applies doubly to parents who project such expectations on young children who are seeking to follow their instincts and express themselves in life and are being called to perform tasks that may at that point be beyond their, as yet, developed capabibilities.
The expectation that we and others should ‘get it right’ can be a breeding ground for resentment and poor self esteem. It builds tension deep inside of us and prevents surrender and relaxation all of which are central to our experience of embodiment, joy and being fully present and alive in the present moment.
Emerging From The Dark Night 