An appreciated ‘like’ and reminder

Funny how someone liking a post will remind you of what you most need to know on any day.  Today was a slow start after all my reactions to my brother’s visit yesterday and a short while ago I got a like on a post I wrote last month which contained the following paragraph :

‘imprint driven intepretations and reactions’, these are those wounded scar traces/places/spaces we get pulled into.  They come about because as children and adults our truest need and desire is unconditional love.  When this unconditional love fails to be forthcoming we try all kinds of ways to find it.  Staying angry at our abusers has underlying its drive that longing for the love we needed then and did not get.  Arguing about how it could, of should of been different isn’t going to help at this point to either change anything nor bring us the love we wanted.  We can only find that love in the now by seeking love inside and being love.

I just had a long tear filled conversation with my Mum about what happened when my brother visited yesterday.  What emerged was that for me under all the anger was a frustrated and thwarted desire for reconnection.  My loud tone of voice nearly pushed it away and came out of pain and that longing for love and connection spoken of by Michael Brown in his book on healing and the presence process.   It occured to me that when I started to cry after being angry with my brother yesterday I tapped into a deeper soul reality.  Mum and I through talking today were able to clarify more about the dynamics with my brother and his family.   We were able to speak about what hurt and understand it comes out of defences.  If we have to block connection and love flow we suffer.  A lot of the consequences of that blockage are what Mark Wolynn explores in his book on healing multigenerational trauma and it occurs to me that underlying all that pain is a longing to love, be love and give love regardless of what others do. Not in a way that would leave us open to abuse but able to deflect it in a healthy way by not letting the pain lodge too deep after ages of it hurting us so much.  We turn those arrows into flowers in our own heart and mind by softening resistance into love.  Dont know if this makes sense but is just a bit stream of consciousness for dilemmas I am working through today.  Today on the phone Mum and I really shared from a place of love.  It was such a beautiful feeling.  All the dams in my heart burst and a river of love flowed freely and I felt my body bathed in peace and refreshing sweetness better than any drug.