I do feel life at a deep level. I know it goes along with being empathic and highly sensitive. Just a moment ago I came back home after going out to do a few things and on the way I dropped a book into the library hatch and just in front of it on the pavement was what seemed to be a homeless man with four dogs. Two of the dogs approached me with deep longing in their eyes and I just felt this wave of tenderness and compassion flow between us. The man was trying to tether the dogs to a post and I thought of the dogs in their guardianship role with this man and how they were his love medicine.
Meanwhile at home my own dog Jasper was having a snooze after not wanting to walk again this morning, when I came home with sushi and some vegetables amongst other things he stood guardian on my deck just outside the french doors looking at me to ‘read’ my energy. I was in full on tears all the way home listening to one of my favourite songs by Coldplay because so many realisations have been emerging over past days of how young I have been with such an unmothered inner child who displaced so much on others not knowing how or why. I am reading a book on the ‘toddler brain’ at the moment and realising how often in the past I have acted and reacted out of that place, it may be a sign of growth I am seeing it now and longing to be more of a psychological adult. Its taking time, but with good therapy it is happening.
At the same time I dont want to dismiss or lose contact with what Jung called the divine child within, this soul essence of us that was originally in touch with source, knowingness and infinite unconditional love. The little one who can sing and dance in joy, who knows and feels implicitly his or her profound interconnection with life and nature. I cannot help but feel this little one is connected to our wounded child too and is the one who can ultimately give him or her permission to feel all the feelings without projecting them so much and repeating our trauma in new relationships where our abandonment wounds may be triggered.
I am going to post the Coldplay song here now. I need to go have lunch as yesterday I over ran my body boundaries and had lunch too late. This morning I was awake at 6 and up at quarter to 7 and back in the routine I was starting to find before I got pulled back yesterday. I hope this song speaks to you too, if you dont alrealy know it.
Emerging From The Dark Night 