I question all the time my own narcissism. I hope to live my life with healthy narcissism. My therapist is always reminding me that we are all narcissistic to different degrees and some of us carry deep narcissistic wounds due to not being seen or validated alot in authentic ways in childhood. Never the less I always wonder when I read that one of the key signs of narcissistic injury is reacting badly to criticism and taking offence.
There can be various wounds that this kind of reaction comes out of, as I see it. In one we feel the other person didn’t really ‘get’ us or understand where were coming from and if we have had a lot of this in our life it triggers a wound. If we have an inflated sense of our own importance we may believe that we are above criticism and are then offended when others point out our flaws, deficits or vulnerabilities. We may alternatively not feel good enough inside and full of shame and then we can react to criticism which just feels like salt being poured on a gaping wound that stings and stings.
A balanced sense of ourselves as fundamentally worthy despite our flaws or deficits is, I guess, a more balanced view. If we can learn to hold onto a sense of love and goodness inside ourselves outside of criticism we receive may not be as reactive and this may be a gift we gain from doing our inner work to find out where our wounds and vulnerabilities lie. Being mocked or disparaged in childhood a lot can lead to feelings of hurt and disconnection and in this case we need to learn it didnt come from a loving place. That said its good also to able to laugh at ourselves for certain traits. This kind of attitude shows we have humility and yet even if someone is grandiose that is still part of who they are and a reaction to something else deep inside the person we might not know about.
Anyway I was prompted to write this after reading the Day 83 meditation in Deepak Chopra’s book The Deeper Wound : Recovering the Soul from Fear and Suffering on letting go of a sense of self importance. I have mixed feelings about it for some of us lack healthy ego development and so we don’t feel important enough, that said a balanced sense of our own value and worth probably lies outside of a sense of self importance and is the quality of a soul at home in itself and at peace with the world and life.
I will renew myself by letting go of self importance
This affirmation is about not being offended. When someone says or does something that offends you, the hurt isn’t being felt by you but by your self importance. Self importance comes about because we all carry a self image inside of ourselves. We spend huge amounts of time and energy defending this phantom. If your image depicts you as a person of refinement and education, you will be offended by coarseness. If your image is that of someone in control, an authority, you will be offended when someone with less status acts like your equal. If you want renewal, self image must be released. Bring yourself into the present without any image. Let your responses to events flow with same ease and freedom as life itself. Realise that as long as you are attached to self importance you will always feel offended. Affirm to yourself that relinquishing self importance is your ticket to freedom.
Its interesting as I read that affirmation I realise that I dont feel that sense of self importance around others that much, often I feel that others are my equal but I am aware of people that I know who are often ‘deeply offended’ by someone or something. The truth is we are all connected and similar to each other, even those who some may consider to be outcasts of society. In my own life I would treat a garbage man the same as a CEO. (But to be honest that’s not true as I may actually have more respect for the former which shows where some of my deepest biases lay). Its still an interesting affirmation to consider. Hopefully we can show love to ourselves and extend that love to our fellow humans, and when we are tempted to take offence we can learn to let go of the hurt by not taking it too personally.
Emerging From The Dark Night 