When does sadness become self pity?

When I was going to Al Anon meetings sometimes a member would say of another member that they should “get off their pity pot!”   Part of me balked at this, especially if it seemed what someone was sharing involved genuine sadness.   There are times when we do hear others going over and over wounds and pain that seem to have lodged deep within and you can just tell that the sense of outrage at such treatment is so hard for them to get beyond.  Should they have to get ‘beyond’ it?  Are they full of self pity?

I am writing this because over the past few weeks I have felt massive surges of grief move up from deep within me.  Most often they come when I find myself alone in the midst of a big task I am trying to manage, or while talking to or just after having talked to my Mum. I am aware that as an empath and with my natal Neptune (planet of boundless collective feeling) placed on her Sun Mercury Saturn (defences or protections against deep feelings and thoughts that may have found no place) I may be absorbing and expressing something she feels but on some level I know its not only my pain I am feeling.

As I shared about it with my therapist this afternoon I came to the realisation of the pain and grief both Mum and I share.  Its very strong around this time of year as we move towards her birthday and the date of my Dad’s cancer diagnosis many years ago.  My Mum has been telling me every time we speak of how tired she is.  I cannot help feel that this tiredness is a result of depression (and repressed life energy and sadness) as well as the constant pain meds she has been on ever since they discovered multiple fractures in her pelvis around this time last years.  I know that our sacrums, wombs and lower stomaches as well as intestines carry a lot of the emotions we may not have been able to process and kick around inside of us.  Mum was complaining of problems with digesting her food last week and I suffer those kind of digestive attacks often after I eat my main meal at night.

Anyway my feeling is that there is a lot of grief around at this time of year when the Sun goes into the deep feeling sign of Scorpio, add to that that Jupiter moved into Scorpio last week and that coincided with the visit my a family friend which opened up hidden past things around my older sister’s pain, abandonment and suicide attempt.   Jupiter is known as the greater beneficient, although sometimes it can magnify things or make them more excessive.

I am sure what I am feeling is not self pity.   I am not sure if self pity is an accusation that is used by others as a defence at times.  Its just a question that I have.  When do you feel genuine sadness becomes self pity?

When I was sharing and crying with my therapist this afternoon she validated just how much I have to be sad about.  She said these words to me : “Its okay to feel sad and to express that sadness.”  I wish my sadness had been okay years ago.  Complicated grief causes so many painful symptoms and body issues, I think.  We need permission and support to release our genuine feelings.  Its not always possible to do it alone.