I relate very strongly to this post. Critical self attacks can be anger turned inwards or the result of a lack of empathy we were shown when young. For women they often focus on our bodies.
In last night’s session I told T that I had noticed from reading through some of my old blogs that when I have my “bad days”, I tend to be extremely harsh about my weight and my looks. I told her that I always feel “hideous”. I told her that reading through the posts written on days where I was in that dark place, there was a very familiar theme where I pulled myself apart and called myself lots of horrible names.
T said she could tell I was really quite taken aback about this and I told her that I have NEVER been someone who has liked her appearance, particularly my weight but other things too, but that this was shocking because of how extreme the self-hatred was in some of those blogs.
I told her that last Monday’s post (written in the rupture) was particularly awful. I told her that…
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Emerging From The Dark Night 