This describes so many of the ways reality morphs in the wake of trauma and its impact. I wanted to share it.
I cannot feel the earth, floating up above it, knowing what is real but not trusting my perceptions. I want to cry; I want to laugh. Touch me! Won’t you please? Help me know what is real.
The world felt on the verge of annihilation, and then there was a reverse. I thought I would lose my mind, and now I think I have. This is not my home. This is not my life. This in not who I am.
But I have become what I wanted to be. I fear the darkness will return, punishing me for snatching my life back from the moment of destruction. It will get me, won’t it?
I want to run. I want to spin. I want to dance in the moonlight. I will give myself to this fantasy because I know it cannot be real. I will be punished, won’t I? I don’t…
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Emerging From The Dark Night 