Unprotected

I felt so small

I felt so unprotected

I wake each morning feeling all those feelings

of how it was to be so far away

with no protection

smashed up flat on my back

with pain and nausea all through my gut and head

ambulance officer looking down on me

a whole portion of time obliterated

where only an hour or so before

I was stretched out on your table

reliving the earlier accident

trapped squashed smashed up

inside a wreck of my own making

you were never there

on those Friday nights

and Dad you didn’t speak to me much

we waited and waited for Mum to come home

but after 9 is late to be eating dinner

I want a family where I can have parents who are there

so I go to my friends but then I get smashed up

there is no one I can turn to

nowhere I can go to find

empathy understanding or protection

when the next traumas hit

and so I ran into my addictions

into relationships with other addicts

in such pain too

drinking it down

smoking it down

or shooting it up

alone alone alone

waiting waiting waiting

for the experts to come and tell me what is wrong

why I am in so much pain

but its my body they see

not the inner workings of my soul

soul it is any wonder you are feeling so weak

and so exhausted

is it any wonder you cry

when you see the girl full of so many gifts

thinking so little of herself

and giving it all away in hopes of one day being seen

wrongly feeling less than

soul you see me now

and it may be harsh bitter painful truths

that we are being asked to digest

but if so we must swallow them down

and remove the rust and tarnish that overlay

the brightness of copper or silver

exposed to too much air

too much of a painful life

too young

and with no protection