What you say and do does affect other people and what other people say and do does affect you. I was reminded about this after a conversation with a friend who has struggled all weekend with stomach pain. Someone said some thing nasty to him, it upset him. He went via the bakery to get some bread which he loves and ate too much of it and low and behold had a stomach ache for the rest of the weekend.
I can see how his emotional upset was transferred and then not really processed. Eating the bread made him worse and probably wasn’t a great choice but the original stress was that he was adversely affected by what someone said and did to him. When he tried to talk to his wife about it she wouldn’t hear him and so he ate the bread. I could relate.
What we say to our selves and do to ourselves in the wake of what someone says or does to us is so important. We also need to be mindful of our words. Is what we are saying necessary and true? Do we have a right to have an opinion about others ways of doing things? And if we do, is it really necessary to share it? Can we speak kindly and with love? Or are we just dumping or being insensitive?
If we have known invalidation abuse or other unkindness, its true, in time we are going to have to find ways to throw off the hurtful things said to us and learn not to react, but we are still human and we are affected by what others say and do. To imply that we are not to me is problematic. It’s not always easy to live in the world especially for those of us who are very sensitive, as my friend is. We still have to find our way through it though. It is still so important to be aware of our words and work to make our communication as non violent and loving as possible. We also need to learn how to set boundaries with those who are not that aware and hurt us. Talking to ourselves in a loving way and setting up good internal boundaries is also so important for our words have great power for good and ill.
Emerging From The Dark Night 