cutting

I don’t know why I started.
Reviewing it all helped?
I am emerged in two approaches,
one looking back and one focussed on making something new
but the past will always haunt me.

I am knowledgeable and can explain.
But do these narratives help?
They help me understand how my mother
could do no better while she turned every problem
into a problem that she suffered from far more.

But let me take a moment to explain
how once, long ago, I found that small cuts
in my skin offered relief from the desire to die
because I have always known that I was not good enough
even while my demons whispered that I could still save the world.

In the beginning, I didn’t know I wouldn’t kill myself
because is those days no on spoke about self-mutilation.
I learned that my small scratches were nothing
and that I was…