Seeing the beauty : seeing the mystery

Worlds, within worlds, within worlds.  These thoughts came to me after reading some insightful and inspiring words in The Book of Secrets by Deepak Chopra.  That there can be a gift hidden in the darkest of experiences.  A loss that comes to us may knock us sideways and take us into a place of deep depression and struggle, or that loss could open our perception to how valuable and precious the gift of that particular thing was and of how much we need to value the precious, present moment.

In grief our focus can be consumed almost entirely by what we lost and next to us there may be a gift just waiting that can lead us to the light but we may be so trapped in the darkness we cannot see it or take the opportunity to reach for it.

Today I am feeling a deep awe and sense of renewal.  In looking for some thing outside due to dissatisfaction which things in my life not being perfect enough I see how I at times become unable to see the beauty that truly surrounds me.  The prospect of moving on awakens me to all the gifts of what is present and I am aware that what I have is more than enough.  I had not felt this feeling of there being enough ever in my life and so it is a new feeling, but today I feel not only is there enough but there is also an abundance there once my perception is cleansed and I can notice it.

I do remember when I had this feeling of enough and hope and abundance before.  It was just after my husband and I had moved to the UK.  We found a cute little home close to the meadows with a walnut tree in the long backyard.  We had magical summer evenings riding our bicycles through the meadows to Granchester.  Without a TV we were free to read and touch base with nature.  I remember the filtering of the light as it fell through the open window kissing the carpet.  I remember also that that I had a deep sadness in my heart from all the unresolved experiences and losses of my past rising up after 6 years of sobriety.  I see now I was on the brink of uncovering and discovering so much but it was hard to let myself move forward without taking a backward glance at all the trauma that had led to here.

In many ways I had found my way into a magical grail kingdom and a few short years later it disappeared as I went back home due to my sister’s ill health and darkness fell.  Try as I might I could not get back to our golden time in the UK.  I tried and got smashed up again.  Disoriented I moved to Glastonbury, there in the darkest pit I felt I could not survive alone after my husband told me he had met someone else. I went to the Magdalene chapel and lit candles and cried with others who were grief stricken.  I visited the Chalice Wells gardens where I bought books and sat by the well seeing visions of Christ’s dead body in the arms of Mary his mother and Mary Magdalene.  I was living in a deeply liminal space between two worlds I now realise and something so deep was going on.

In his book Deepak speaks of how there is always a deeper reality going on behind events.  I was just reading that yesterday Venus planet of love and relationships, value, beauty and self esteem has just turned retrograde at 13 degrees of Aries.  Aries represents on an archetypal level new beginnings and the child, as well as the uprush of new energy.  I had been feeling that prior to today, but with the retrograde something feels as if it is being pulled within to a deeper level.  Just on the heels of a Solar Eclipse in Pisces which opens us as well to deeper emotional realities there is so much going on.

There are, I feel, at present depths to be explored but also there is the call of a world too in which so much that is new and of beauty can happen.  The idea of worlds, within worlds, within worlds came to me a short while ago so it prompted this blog.  Something very deep and healing is opening up with this Venus retrograde.  I can really feel it.  I am excited to see how things unfold over the next 6 weeks when Venus will be back in Pisces and then will travel forward again,  my feeling is that things we cannot see fully now will be revealed to us.  There is much deep learning to take place.  I am open and excited about it.  I want to explore how it might manifest for others.  For our sense of self value in relationships could be up for review and my feeling is that many of us will emerge from this time with a stronger base of love and self esteem within if we manage the lessons and revelations of Venus retrograde well.