Needing your love

Needing your love at times can make me feel

Small weak and vulnerable

And as a child this is often how it felt to be left all alone

In a big empty house after school

Now I struggle at that time of day

Memories are there of how I had to orient my entire world around you

In order to be seen

That has taken me a long time to see

Over six years of therapy often with the wrong therapists

Now I see it so clearly

I feel it too

How deeply painful it was body mind and soul

To be left all alone with my pain

Knowing no one was really there

Even when they were physically there

I looked to the bottle in the end

I hit myself over the head with it

To shut up the silent scream

And worked to deny I needed your love attention and care

But my body remembered

And now I must tend to it and to me

For my soul knew such a loneliness

And that no longer must be my fate

I replayed it over and over

Not knowing that as a child I really needed love

And so now I must love me

And look for those who are comfortable

With my need to love and be loved